| 1 | must | Say 14 percent, which is what the two lease figures give (4,800 against 5,600), or give the two figures alone. | which makes it 20 percent cheaper | The percentage does not match the site comparison, and the client can work it out from the two figures in the same sentence. |
| 2 | must | Say what the time study found: average pick time fell from 12 to 9 minutes in a trial zone, which is a quarter less, not a third. | order picking took a third less time | The study shows a quarter, and it covered a trial zone, not the whole site. |
| 3 | must | Use the mover's quote of 62,000 dollars and say it does not include racking, or say the cost is still to be worked out. | The move would cost about 85,000 dollars | The sources give 62,000 dollars, not including racking, so 85,000 dollars has no basis. |
| 4 | must | Remove the payback claim, or show the sum: the lease saving is 800 dollars a month, so a move costing 62,000 dollars would not pay for itself within a year. | pay for itself within a year | The sources give no basis for it, and the lease saving alone points the other way. |
| 5 | must | Replace it with what the interviews found: 6 of 9 supervisors support the move and 3 want to wait. | Everyone I spoke to agrees with the plan | The interviews show three supervisors who disagree, and the client may ask who they are. |
| 6 | should | Say the scanners are your view, or give the evidence. The sources have no data on the scanners. | replace the scanners, which I think are the real cause of the delays | A recommendation to replace equipment with no data behind it invites a hard question. |
| 7 | should | Split the long sentence into two and give a reason for each ask. | I would also retrain the picking team and replace the scanners | Two extra asks sit in one sentence with no reason for either. |
| 8 | nice | Offer a time to talk, such as a call this week. | Let me know if you have any questions | A concrete next step is easier for the client to accept. |